


On Death, Dying, and Being Alive

by stillskies



Category: Final Fantasy X & Final Fantasy X-2
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-29
Updated: 2013-06-29
Packaged: 2017-12-16 12:50:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/862221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillskies/pseuds/stillskies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Between the defeat of Sin and joining the Gullwings, Yuna wonders who she is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On Death, Dying, and Being Alive

**Author's Note:**

  * For [VampirePaladin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampirePaladin/gifts).



> I really hope you like this! ♥♥♥

She had gone because there was no other choice. Saving Spira – defeating Sin – was not through her effort alone, and it seemed that the very people she fought so hard to protect did not understand how their own strength and perseverance had bolstered her own. Without the people – with her Guardians – the cycle would have continued and she would be dead. Sin would have been born anew and nothing would have changed.

Doing the right thing – keeping Spira safe, ending the tyranny and prideful arrogance of Yevon – had been their only option. She had been prepared to die for it. It was not something to be celebrated for.

It had been difficult at first; her return to Besaid Island had been long and lonely. After withstanding the accolades and congratulations and thanks of every person she met, she had been looking forward to returning to the island on which she had grown up, hoping against hope that nothing there would have changed. That they would welcome her – not as High Summoner Yuna, banisher of Sin, but as Yuna. 

Wakka and Lulu had preceded her home, allowing her time to revel in the festivities, and they were among the first to greet her when she exited the airship. For a brief moment, she felt normal, as though the entire voyage had been a horrible dream, and then Wakka had turned to the crowd and announced her return. The return of Yuna, Savior of Spira.

It was as the cheers rose up from the people she had grown up among – the men and women who had raised her, the priests who had trained her, the children she had grown up with – that she realized that even here, things would not be the same.

*

The cloister had become a second home to her in the months since her return. She knew that Valefor would not return – the Fayth had moved on, be it to the Farplane or elsewhere, she did not know – but the puzzles and the Chamber gave her comfort. She would sit before the cold, empty stone for hours. 

Sometimes, she would hum the hymn, fingers running along the edges as she lost herself to her thoughts.

"What," she would sometimes ask the empty Chamber, "should I do now?"

She always took the silence that followed as an answer.

*

" _Yunie_ ," Rikku whined, tugging on her arm. "You can't be happy just sitting around here all day, can you?"

Yuna smiled and allowed herself to be dragged to the beach, where the Celsius hovered, a welcome change of sight after months of endless ocean and still horizons. But when it came time to board, to fly off into a new adventure, to leave the isolation of the island, she froze. Gently, she pried her arm from Rikku's grip. "Perhaps next time, Rikku," she said softly.

Rikku blew a raspberry at her and shook her head. "You _always_ say that," she sighed. "Don't you _miss_ it? Even a little? The world is changing, Yunie. You should _see_ it."

Smiling had become second nature to her by this point and it did not falter, though the words resonated within her. _Change_. Change that had, in part, been created, made possible, by them. Still, she knew that as soon as she left the island, the pedestal would return, dusty but sturdy. "Next time."

*

She could tell that they worried. By now, reassurance was not something she could offer them; instead, she could only offer them platitudes. 

"I'm happy," she told them both. "You should stop worrying so much." 

*

The priest nodded to her as she entered the temple, stepping aside to allow her access to the cloister. "Might I say something, Lady Yuna?" His voice was hesitant, as though he was unsure if his interruption was welcome, and the usual sadness washed through her. 

"Of course," she said, pausing on the steps and waiting for him to speak. 

"It has been on my mind for some time," he began, "and I am unsure whether or not you will find my question rude. I apologize if it offends you, but…" He paused, and Yuna could visibly see him begin to collect his thoughts. When he began, the hesitant waver was gone and he looked her straight in the eyes. "Who are you?"

The question had been unexpected and she frowned, not understanding. "I am Yuna Braska, High Summoner of Spira." The response was rote; this was who she was, who she had planned to be her whole life, who she had meant to die as. 

"Yes, but _who_ are you?"

She had meant to die. No one had expected her to walk away with her life. The sacrifice offered to appease the monster for the Calm. Now, there was no monster and never would be again. She had lived, returned victorious with her friends at her side.

"I," she began, faltering, the fate of the High Summoner weighing heavily on her mind. Unbidden, she remembered the sphere she'd recorded her last goodbye on. Thought about the pain on Lulu's and Wakka's faces as her destiny was explained. She shouldn't have walked away, but she had. What was a High Summoner without their death? "I do not know."

The priest nodded. "I pray to Yevon that you know soon, child. I apologize for delaying you."

*

When Sin had fallen and Tidus and Auron faded, she hadn't had time to think about herself. Overcome with grief for her losses and jubilant triumph, the mantra that had followed her throughout her pilgrimage had been lost, and the heavy weight of her anticipated death lifted.

Now, it returned, but there was not outlet for it. She could not die with honor before Sin, for Sin was no more. And while the whispers of some had not escaped her notice, she had not given them much thought before now.

The first High Summoner to survive her fate. She had defied her calling and brought the Eternal Calm. She had lived.

Six months after the start of the Eternal Calm, Yuna wondered if she was truly living.

*

"I found this," Rikku explained, handing the sphere to her. Curious, Yuna took it. " _He's_ in it."

The quality was grainy and blurred, and what sound there was was distorted by time, but she could see him. A small gasp escaped her and she watched the man who looked and sounded so much like Tidus, locked in a cage.

"Do you think it's really him?" Rikku asked once the sphere had ended its playback. 

"I don't know," she replied, brows knit together. 

"There are probably more spheres like that." Rikku was swaying back and forth on her feet, hands clasped behind her back and looking out at the horizon. "I could bring them back for you when I find them."

Yuna shook her head. "No," she said, firm. "I want to help."

Rikku cocked her head to the side and grinned. "That's the spirit, Yunie!"

* 

"You sure about this, Yuna?" Wakka asked as Rikku said something to Brother in Al Bhed. "I'm not sure about this."

"Don't worry," she replied, smiling. "It will be fine."

*

She allowed Rikku to cut her hair. "A new beginning," Rikku explained once she was done. "A new start, a new you."

Brother stammered something that caused Rikku to roll her eyes, and Yuna murmured thank you and excused herself.

The deck was empty and the wind rushed around her, flying through the newly cut strands of her hair. She felt lighter, somehow, as though something as simple as changing the length of her hair had changed her. _Maybe,_ she thought, watching Spira pass beneath the ship – land and sea equally small from her vantage point above - _I have._

Finally, she was living.


End file.
